transition and taize and time

transition takes time. moving and relocating and adjusting to a new city and state and building life with others and learning to love and learning to be loved take a long time. like, really long. not eight weeks. not six months. not a year and a half. not two years. i’m learning it takes an unknown length of Long time. and then, truly, transition is never ‘over’.

it’s a cycle: of beauty. of joy. of grief. of pain. of growth.

In God alone my soul can find rest and peace

In God my peace and joy

Only in God my soul can find its rest.

Find its rest and peace.

during taize prayer tonight with my community at Westbury United Methodist Church, i was struck: this is not a forced rest. this is not a forced peace. ‘in God alone’ takes time. it takes gentleness. it asks for wrestling. it welcomes it All. and when the rest and peace come – like tonight – it is such a sweet gift. i don’t want to cling to it, for it is not mine. it is Gift.

when i started this blog last Lent, i was trying to force myself to transition. i was desperate for peace. but i really couldn’t write. there have been words of others though that have been immense Gifts to me. like John O’Donohue. i’m writing more these days, but I want to share with y’all tonight brother John’s words of blessing for The Interim Time. they have been a means of grace for me during this Long time.

When near the end of day, life has drained
Out of light, and it is too soon
For the mind of night to have darkened things,

No place looks like itself, loss of outline
Makes everything look strangely in-between,
Unsure of what has been, or what might come.

In this wan light, even trees seem groundless.
In a while it will be night, but nothing
Here seems to believe the relief of darkness.

You are in this time of the interim
Where everything seems withheld.

The path you took to get here has washed out;
The way forward is still concealed from you.

“The old is not old enough to have died away;
The new is still too young to be born.”

You cannot lay claim to anything;
In this place of dusk,
Your eyes are blurred;
And there is no mirror.

Everyone else has lost sight of your heart
And you can see nowhere to put your trust;
You know you have to make your own way through.

As far as you can, hold your confidence.
Do not allow confusion to squander
This call which is loosening
Your roots in false ground,
That you might come free
From all you have outgrown.

What is being transfigured here is your mind,
And it is difficult and slow to become new.
The more faithfully you can endure here,
The more refined your heart will become
For your arrival in the new dawn.

taize candle